N.T Internship Day 1

Last Thursday I started my intership at Penrhyn Castle. Think my official title is along the lines of Community Involvement Intern :)

I was lucky enough to be offered the role in September this year following an interview for an internship. I was intially scared at the thought of applying for something that would be another big change in my life and a new beginning, as this year has had so many that have all been rollar coaster rides. Also Bangor has alot of bad as well as good memories for me. However, I did not hesitate to say yes when the position was actually offered. I think some inner instinct must have kicked, which I'm glad of! If I had had time to think I porbably wouldn't have jumped in the deep end.
It might sound corny but I have for a long time dreamt about working for the National Trust. I long to have the opportunity to ignite in others the same love that I have for history, and heritage properties; and help preserve them both for future generations and explore the ways in which history can be presented to the general public. It can be daunting to take that leap and chase a dream but its definately worth it when you drive up to a castle, stunningly set against the snowdonian mountains and your heart skips a beat because you can call the place work :)


One of my earliest memories of a heritage property is of Penrhyn Castle
When I was about 8 years old I attended an event at the property during the summer. The event was Alice in Wonderland themed with picnics, life size characters, storytelling, Victorian games and re-enactors.
The day was magical where I seemed to walk through a fairytale and I remember begin so excited that I wanted to stay rather than go home with my parents. I believe this memory stands out in my mind because because I left in awe and wonder of the magnifiance of the castle. This memeory was probably one of the many that contributed to my dream of living in a castle.
I will still have to make do with working in one for now but you never know . . .


  Because of my love for history it is hard to believe when people tell me they aren't interested in histroy or that history is boring (Although to be honest I have't found many people who don't have some interest). However it is normally easy to understand as most people have tales of horrible or just plain boring history teachers or have suffered froma World War 1 and 2 overkill in school where the rest of history is neglected or seen as less important.

From my own personal experience I always thoroughly enjoyed school trips and remember what I learnt on them, I couldn't say the same for my classes. I can honestly say visiting Caegwrle Castle during my GCSE coursework was a turning point in my life. I blame those visits for my obsession with castles and medieval queens. I was encouraged to imagine the castle as it was, to rflect on the lives of the workers who built the castle and its royal occupants. I think I entered a dream world there which I find it very hard to escape from :)

Being forced to read a text- book and copy what was written never inspired me like planning my escape from a castle dungeon and managing to scale half way up the wall (I definately would have escaped if they had let me!)

I am very passionate about supporting the education of young people and I strongly believe that more can be learnt outside the classroom than in it. In a classroom history cannot be smelt, felt, heard, lived like it can be when you are actually in an historic location. History needs to be felt and touched.

Ok maybe I have gone of an a tagent, I will get to my point :)


  One of the reasons I am so excited about this internship at Penrhyn Castle is that I will have the opportunity to reach out the childrena and young adults and encourage them to become a part of the National Trust, give them a sense of belonging to their local and national history. Penrhyn should not just be a castle but should be their castle.
My role will involve organising events for the local youth population to be involved in. This age group is normally one that I feel is neglected by the heritage sector in favour of children and families. Hopefully I can in some way other them an opportunity to experience history and leave a long lasting impression (preferably a good one).



During just one day with the learning team at Penrhyn I learnt so much. I could see the passion and enthusaism of the staff, I could see the strength of team that worked together with determination and how hard they actually work behind the scenes and also the huge responsiblity that they have.
 The castle was full of people that love where they are and what they do and were each valued for their contribution. I left even more inspired to be a part of the national trust and I am extremely excited to go back tomorrow for day 2 :D

Ever the optimist

 

 

 

Iceberg

While talking to my minister a few weeks ago he told me how human beings are like icebergs. What he said really inspired me and brought a re-newed sense of peace and focus so let me share what he said.


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Like an iceberg our strength lies in our core; the outer layers will become chipped and battered by the ocean but a strong core enables us to take all the battering

It is therefore this core of ourselves that is most valuable and needs to be tenderly looked after in order to face all that threatens to ware us away.

We do then need to take time to look after our inner spiritual strength. During times of hurt and loss and it can be the one thing that takes the harshest attack but is also the only part that can get us through it. It is this part of us where hope, love and faith lie.



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Those of you who know me will know the last year have been one of the most difficult of my life but it was has also been a time of renewal and deep inner reflection. I have come out of the end stronger and knowing myself alot better. I have spent alot of time reflecting on the differences between what I want and what I truely need. I have, in effect, given my inner core a good hug and I can feel it glowing and burning alot healthier inside. I now feel more confident and able to let it shine.

I have realised more and more how important it is to take care of and let this inner glow shine through. After all, only one-fifth of an iceberg is seen above the surface and likewise only a small percentage of what is us is shown in our appearance.
The average person spends 1 hour 14minutes grooming themselves and adjusting their physical appearance everyday; how many spend time to rest, reflect, talk to themselves and give some time to the four-fifths of us below the surface?    


  
I tried to roughly sketch this how it came to my mind while Rev. K was talking :)

 

 

I am also going to include in this blog a picture I found that I drew as a self portrait as few years ago. Its not a sketch I drew to be physically accurate (that I really couldn't do!!) but it was more symbolic of a few different aspects of me.

I would probably add a few more things now . . . in fact I  might re-draw it as the me i know now :)

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Would really like to hear others reflections on this :)

For my Nan

My nan passed away last night and although it does still feel surreal and it will take a while before it sinks in that it has happened, I wanted to post a song in memory of her.

So here is one of your favourite songs Nanny. Thank you for being a part of my life, you were loved and will be missed.

I will sing this to you when I see you again :)


But for Your grace I could not be saved
But for Your grace I would go my way
I'm forever grateful
That You have been faithful to me Lord
And for Your amazing grace

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

A thankful prayer

It never ceases to amaze me how I could spend so many hours every day just saying thank you

I am truely counting my blessings and I feel grateful having so many to count



I am thankful that I have the love and support of my family and friends, who never stop giving and I hope that I return that love ten-fold

I am thankful that I am me; that I have been given this gift of life and that I can use it for good and to help others; that I can be me and that I have been given this time now to look after myself and focus on what I need

I am thankful that I feel; I hope to always put my heart and soul into everything I do and never stop caring. I want to always treat people with honesty and consideration.

I am thankful that I can dance; to be creative and be able to express in such a beautiful art form



Never stop appreciating everything you have, there is always so much to value in life :)

Lets start with a cliche

 The last few months of my life have been a huge turning point for me and I have created this blog so that I have somewhere to put my thoughts and reflections.

I am slowly beginning to built a new bridge; my very own bridge :) I have no idea where this bridge is heading but here I will write about it as its being created

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I have never been able to bring myself to write a blog as a cringed at how cliche it was . . .  it seems ironic now, having recently felt so many 'cliche' emotions while going through so many 'cliche' situations. I now have a renewed understanding of the word.

  Dictionary:  'A cliché or cliche is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has been overused to the point of losing its original meaning or effect'


When I hurt the most I felt completely alone, not abandoned but somehow completely separate from everyone else. I was suddenly left with me and I constantly battled against myself, wanting to somehow detach from my thoughts and emotions. I could not stand to be with anyone, to hear them talk or even breath but I also missed company. I wanted to just constantly keep walking, why stop?


Starting to sound cliche?


Alot of things I said and felt, did seem to me embarassing cliche. But why was I embarrased about being a cliche?
I think a part of my embarrassment was caused by not wanting to admit that something bad had happened to me, that I did not want to be seen as a failure. Do we not all want to be admired?  . . Well I never used to care a great deal about what others thought, was did I suddenly now?

Feeling this really shocked me. It highlighted how over the last year I have lived not for me but for others. In constantly trying to make others happy and caring for them I had neglected what made me happy.
I realised I need some time to reconnect with me.

I need to feel my emotions to their depth, engage with what I feel and think.
No matter how seemingly cliche, those feelings are personal and real and I am going through them now, I should not stop them because the world is watching and 'has been there done that'. 


I recently read the following saying:

'If you are going to have a soft heart you had better have a hard bottom'


Well here I am, fallen, sat on a cold floor with my heart ripped open and bleeding  . . . . . but I am not ashamed or embarrased because I loved, cared and gave what I could



(Bare with me, this IS going somewhere)



I was also told by so many that I would heal and grow stronger, and I trusted their wisdom. I could now go back a month and give myself that same advice :) 


The more and more I was told by strong and inspiring women, that they themselves had been through the same thing, and the more and more I recieve their kindness, support and consolation I have begun to realise the unifying power of living through life's cliche's. Understanding is a precious gift to be able to pass on and share, as well as being able to give to yourself.




Now I think I need to change that definition of cliche


'A cliche: - a journey or experience though which lessons continue to be learnt or wisdom gained
                - it then becomes a fuel that we all add to a fire; a fire that in turn we will all take  
                  comfort from - it allows us to continue a cycle of mutual support



so now I dont feel quite so bad about starting a blog, cliche isnt so bad after all



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